


Excerpts from le gang's group chat

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, absolute crack, and some one-on-one chats also, le gang group chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22334137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ArthurIm in but if I see you both making goo goo eyes at each other even though you're standing 5 feet apart Its on SightEliottunderstandable goodnight ✌BasileI cant tonight guysI gotta read for my assignmentLucasBro you read?Like on purpose?An insight into le gang's group chat.
Relationships: Basile/Daphne, Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 96
Kudos: 337





	1. get his ass

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this is authentic?? i dont have friends so i wouldnt know

_le gang 😋😋👌_

**Lucas**  
Mornin everyone  
Not to be nsfw but  
I love my boyfriend very much and would die for him

 **Eliott**  
:)  
❤  
I love you

 **Yann**  
Yeah we know Lucas

 **Arthur**  
Right in front of my salad huh..

 **Basile**  
How long are you gonna be gay on the group chat bro

 **Lucas**  
Only the weekends bro

 **Eliott**  
🤦🏻♂️

 **Arthur**  
Literally Eliott could burn his house down and Lucas would be like "i want to have kids with you"

 **Eliott**  
Okay that was ONE time and it was the microwave that burned down

 **Yann**  
Eliott could rob a bank and Lucas would be like "he robbed my heart too"  
Like damn  
The dumbass behaviour jumped out huh

 **Lucas**  
Say one more home of phobic thing to me  
And its on sight bitch  
🔫🔫

 **Yann**  
Ooh Im so scared  
Lucas is gonna shoot me with a water pistol  
😔😔😔🙌🙌🙌

 **Arthur**  
It just be like that 😔😔✊✊

 **Yann**  
Wen ya bff would shoot u wit a water gun 😫😫🙌 but not shoot down capitalistic ideologies😔😔👎👎  
ladies like if u agree 👈👈😋😋

 **Basile**  
I agree  
Even though I am not a lady

 **Arthur**  
Gender is a social construct bro 

**Basile**  
Forreal bro??

 **Arthur**  
Yeah bro 

**Eliott**  
Btw  
Idriss is asking if u guys wanna come over and hang out  
The whole gang  
You guys in?

 **Yann**  
Im in

 **Arthur**  
Im in but if I see you both making goo goo eyes at each other even though you're standing 5 feet apart Its on Sight

 **Eliott**  
understandable goodnight ✌

 **Basile**  
I cant tonight guys  
I gotta read for my assignment

 **Lucas**  
Bro you read?  
Like on purpose?

 **Basile**  
Okay first of all Rude  
Second of all No  
Mrs. Louise gave us a reading assignment to do over the weekend  
and we had to submit on Monday

 **Lucas**  
It's Wednesday..

 **Basile**  
Exactly

 **Yann**  
Lmao  
only noobs finish their assignments late

 **Arthur**  
Proud of u bas

 **Basile**  
@ yann im ignoring you  
@ arthur thank u bby 😘😘❤  
My moms proud of me too  
She made me a yurkey sandwich 

**Lucas**  
yurkey

 **Yann**  
yurkey

 **Arthur**  
yurkey 

**Lucas**  
yurkey  
get his ass 

**Basile**  
turkey**  
yall shut the fukc up omfgg

 **Arthur**  
fukc

 **Lucas**  
fukc

 **Yann**  
yurkey fukc  
I love it when my yurkeys fukc

 **Arthur**  
bro 🤢🤢🤢🤢

 **Eliott**  
I am 👌👌 this close  
to muting yall

 **Lucas**  
babe nooooooooo

 **Eliott**  
it had to be done 😔

 **Lucas**  
:(  
unmute for me???

 **Eliott**  
...  
ye okay

 **Yann**  
You lasted literally two seconds Eliott

 **Arthur**  
WHIPPED

 **Basile**  
ikr  
and lucas calls ME whipped  
what a hippocrate

 **Lucas**  
did this bitch just call me a hippocrate

 **Yann**  
hippocrate

 **Arthur**  
hippocrate 

**Lucas**  
get his ass

 **Basile**  
i keep screaming for god but he wont answer

/////

 **Yann**  
Has anyone seen Lucas???

 **Arthur**  
Hes probably making out with Eliott  
in the bathroom  
saw them go in like 5 minutes ago

 **Basile**  
what the hell are two people doing in a bathroom for five minutes

 **Lucas**  
Having sex Basile  
Dont think you know what that is

 **Yann**  
bro your sex lasted 5 minutes??  
smh bro...

 **Arthur**  
bro...

 **Lucas**  
Okay shut the fuck up?? Whose side are you on  
Eliott needed some help

 **Arthur**  
"needed some help" aight

 **Yann**  
I Am Looking Away  
I Cannot See It  
I Don’t Want To See It

 **Lucas**  
NOT LIKE THAT  
he just spilled alcohol on his shirt i was washing it up for him  
I dont have sex in my bf's bff's bathroom okay i wouldnt do that

 **Yann**  
lucas  
you had paint sex in broad daylight  
in scHOOL

 **Lucas**  
Ok you got me there  
But forreal we're just cleaning his shirt

 **Basile**  
Just letting you guys know that I hate alcohol

 **Arthur**  
Did daphy tell you it was bad for you 

**Basile**  
.. i mean

 **Lucas**  
sksksj  
whipped

 **Basile**  
Look whos talking  
Mr. I wish my bf would raw me 24/7

 **Yann**  
SKXHCJEOFJOE

 **Arthur**  
HUH

 **Yann**  
God gave me the ability to read and I Regret every Second of it

 **Lucas**  
I have literally never said that in my LIFE

 **Eliott**  
Yes you have  
You were really drunk  
I had to carry you three flights of stairs  
And you wouldn’t stop crying about how much you missed my dick

 **Lucas**  
Lit rally my own boyfriend exposed me  
Anyways alcohol is cancelled  
friendship ended with alcohol  
now water is my best friend

 **Arthur**  
hydrate before you die-drate bitches

 **Lucas**  
why does that sound like something alexia would say

 **Arthur**  
😊

/////

 **Basile**  
Guess who just got  
_YELLLEED AAT_

 **Lucas**  
I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's you?

 **Basile**  
You got that right  
Mrs. Louise said she hasnt seen a worst assignment since the 80s  
well i guess writing mr. darcy could get it was a bad idea

 **Lucas**  
Literally who would write that in an assignment

 **Basile**  
:( he respected women  
that's what am about now  
I respect women

 **Arthur**  
Yeah haven't you heard?  
basile chokes down his respect women juice(tm) every saturday

 **Basile**  
:)  
shout out to my gf daphne whom i love very much

 **Yann**  
heyy guys UWUUU  
is anybody thewe owo

 **Lucas**  
???

 **Yann**  
i weawy wanna make fwends  
UWU  
but my mom said im too weird  
now i have no fwends :(  
pwease be my fwend OWO

 **Lucas**  
What  
Are you having a stroke

 **Yann**  
...  
My cousin sister stole my phone.  
She thinks she's so hilarious

 **Eliott**  
That was pretty hilarious kudos to her  
I really thought you were having a stroke

 **Arthur**  
asaksjkjsdk this group chat belongs to her now

 **Yann**  
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

/////

**Basile**  
Daphne got mad at me today :(

 **Eliott**  
What happened Bas?

 **Basile**  
Idk she just stormed off  
I dont know what i said  
I really have been drinking my respect women juice

 **Arthur**  
Aww its ok bas  
maybe shes just stressed out  
bac and all

 **Yann**  
does basile even remember what bac is

 **Eliott**  
Maybe she just needs space for a moment Bas. Go talk to her when she feels ready :)

 **Lucas**  
crying over a girl bas?? na , pick your head up bro ,  
your snapback is falling

 **Yann**  
akkajksj  
bas can't wear snapbacks his heads too big for them

 **Basile**  
Aight thanks for the support guys im heading out

 **Arthur**  
clowns literal clowns


	2. dick butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not too happy with this one plus its shorter than before.. but i hope you enjoy it anyway ❤
> 
> i made a new tumblr account, follow me if u would like to, im [@hiccupingz](https://hiccupingz.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!

_le gang😔😳👎_

**Yann**  
I'm never gonna go grocery shopping with those two nut heads again

 **Arthur**  
Eliott and lulu?

 **Yann**  
Yup

 **Arthur**  
lmao why did u want to be a third wheel so bad

 **Yann**  
i just wanted some milk man  
not my fault these two decided to up and join  
eliott bent down to grab some pasta  
and i literally saw lucas' pupils dilate  
i think he was salivating? idk i dont wanna think about it  
ill get nightmares

 **Lucas**  
hello? it was the bright lights in the store  
lights make pupils dilate

 **Arthur**  
so we're calling eliott's ass the light now?

 **Eliott**  
😊

 **Lucas**  
i mean..  
if death means walking towards the light  
then im ready to die a thousand times  
😔😔✌✌

 **Eliott**  
😘😘

 **Yann**  
🙄🙄 someone kill me

 **Arthur**  
i didnt know shakespeare existed in this group chat

 **Basile**  
ive seen lucas' eyes dilate too  
he was doing math problems

 **Arthur**  
sexual thrill

 **Yann**  
dick butterflies

 **Basile**  
ha! dick butterflies  
im gonna use that with daphy

 **Arthur**  
ah yes  
another reason to make daphy hate u

 **Basile**  
:(

 **Lucas**  
i wish i was jared, 19

 **Basile**  
if we're giving out a list of things to never do with elu  
mine would be  
staying over at their place

 **Eliott**  
Eh? Why not?  
Our place is amazing.

 **Basile**  
yeah it is  
and so is your sexual drive  
i heard yall going at it at like 2am

 **Lucas**  
WTF

 **Yann**  
yikes  
2am?!?!?

 **Lucas**  
I will NOT discuss my sexual adventures in this gc

 **Arthur**  
sexual ADVENTURES???

 **Yann**  
you shouldve played some music bas

 **Basile**  
i played cotton eyed joe on the loud speakers  
to drown out the noises  
but i think it just encouraged them

 **Arthur**  
☠☠☠

/////

 **Arthur**  
Hows the countryside trip going for our favorite couple

 **Lucas**  
Amazing  
Eliotts driving right now  
We saw a whole flock of cows outside the window

 **Arthur**  
Herd of cows..

 **Lucas**  
Of course Ive heard of cows theres a whole flock of em outside

 **Yann**  
can someone kick him out please

 **Arthur**  
literally no one laughed 

**Lucas**  
Eliott did  
And thats all that matters 😘

 **Yann**  
Lucas you could say a knock knock joke and Eliott would still laugh at you and call you his baby

 **Arthur**  
dis cos tan behaviour

 **Lucas**  
anyway theres gonna be a lot of people at the countryside tonight

 **Yann**  
why? is there some event

 **Lucas**  
No because they live there

 **Yann**  
...

 **Basile**  
I dont get it

 **Arthur**  
Of course you wouldnt  
You wouldnt know humor even if you tried bas 

**Basile**  
Yes I would!  
Remember that comic I wrote in 10th grade?

 **Arthur**  
About the guy who farts a fart who farts a fart who farts another fart and realizes hes a fart too?

 **Basile**  
One of my best creations  
It was based on Inception

 **Yann**  
Im---

 **Lucas**  
☠☠☠☠

 **Basile**  
Make fun of me all you want  
I'd rather tell my best jokes to someone who wont listen  
Than tell my worst jokes to someone who will

 **Lucas**  
Huh

 **Yann**  
Does he know what he said

 **Arthur**  
Babe... other way around..

 **Lucas**  
and thats why my point still stands  
that bas cant read

/////

 **Lucas**  
I think i just saw a rat pass by our tent  
but i cant be too sure

 **Arthur**  
oh its just basile probably

 **Basile**  
did you just call me a RAT

 **Arthur**  
idk depends on how well ur comprehension skills are

 **Basile**  
aight

 **Lucas**  
Im--  
okay anyway  
just want to say that this rat is home of phobic if it thinks it can scare ME

 **Basile**  
hows it home of phobic rats can live in houses too

_[Lucas has removed Basile from the chat]_

_[Arthur has added Basile to the chat]_

**Yann**  
☠☠☠☠

 **Lucas**  
as i was saying

 **Yann**  
that youre not afraid of a rat

 **Lucas**  
thats right  
who gon check me boo

 **Arthur**  
the black plague? 

/////

 **Lucas**  
So ive been having some Thots(tm)

 **Yann**  
Oh dear

 **Arthur**  
no lucas we dont want to know how much you love eliott

 **Basile**  
or how much you want to be rawed

 **Lucas**  
ANYWAY  
I was just thinking  
why do you guys laugh at eliotts jokes and not mine  
its so homophobic

 **Yann**  
not every minor inconvenience is homophobia lulu  
💀

 **Lucas**  
who said this?  
literally who

 **Yann**  
what are u gonna do punch them??  
u cant even reach your bf's lips bro 💀💀

 **Lucas**  
do not make fun of the vertically challenged  
or its on sight bitch  
besides, arthurs glasses BEG to differ

 **Arthur**  
not a day goes by where i dont mourn for them

 **Yann**  
"vertically challenged" lmao aight  
what are you a suburban white mother

 **Lucas**  
And what about it?  
Anyway tell me why

 **Basile**  
aint nothin but a heartache

 **Lucas**  
🔫🔫🔫  
I wont hesitate bitch 

**Arthur**  
tbh bro  
eliotts more funny lmao  
remember the thing with the melon

 **Yann**  
oh yeah  
that was fucking hilarious

 **Lucas**  
yeah tbh it was  
Wait  
so if eliott and I are stuck in jail  
who would u break out first

 **Basile**  
eliott

 **Arthur**  
without a doubt,,,  
eliott

 **Basile**  
literally i would let eliott kill me  
and id thank him

 **Lucas**  
completely ignoring that  
Yann??  
my bff since childhood yann??

 **Yann**  
well...  
tbh hypothetically speaking it would be lucas  
realistically speaking.. eliott lmao  
lucas would be annoying to break out of prison  
he'd complain the entire way  
and ruin the entire plan lmao

 **Arthur**  
lmfaoooooo  
agreed

 **Basile**  
i would let eliott step on me for free  
i would let him kiss my forehead tenderly

 **Lucas**  
ok wow  
nothing like a metaphorical prison break situation to tell you who your real friends are

 **Eliott**  
Dont worry baby  
I'd sacrifice myself to let you out  
❤

 **Lucas**  
🥺🥺🥺  
I love you so much  
Theres only one real bitch in this house  
and its my boyfriend

 **Basile**  
I would eat out of eliotts hand if i could

_[Lucas has removed Basile from the chat]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!!


	3. slutty and powerful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Am Sorry For Updating Every 10 Hours The Adhd Will Not Let Me Sleep 😔😔😔✋✋✋

_le gang😜🤭✌️_

**Yann**  
guys  
☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

 **Arthur**  
what

 **Yann**  
emma just messaged me  
inviting all of us to their girls night out

 **Lucas**  
i thot it was girls only

 **Yann**  
it is  
but apparently they need himbos tonight  
so we're being invited

 **Lucas**  
ALKDSLKJCLDKCM

 **Arthur**  
Im----

 **Basile**  
emma scares me  
i dont think she likes me  
she told daphy that dating me was against the rules of feminism

 **Lucas**  
shes not wrong tho???

 **Basile**  
i have never done anything wrong in my life, ever

 **Lucas**  
uhhhhh

 **Arthur**  
bas sweetie  
remember that one time in 8th grade  
u asked if u could touch emmas hair  
and then u ran a finger thru her top lip  
and she punched u

 **Eliott**  
bas ☠️☠️☠️☠️

 **Lucas**  
LMFAOOOOO

 **Yann**  
probably why she hates u

 **Lucas**  
and that one time  
basile thot cauliflower was ghost broccoli 

**Basile**  
oh so we're listing out my flaws huh

 **Lucas**  
🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ 

**Yann**  
it had to be done  
anyway fellow himbos  
we goin to this thing or nah?

 **Arthur**  
if we go to this thing we cement in the fact that we are indeed, himbos

 **Lucas**  
we kinda are tho??

 **Eliott**  
yup lmao

 **Yann**  
i wonder why they need us tonight, of all nights

 **Eliott**  
maybe they want to spice up their night

 **Arthur**  
yeah maybe they'll make us strip dance

 **Yann**  
i would totally kill it  
but their song choices suck  
i need good songs to strip dance to

 **Lucas**  
aksjkajs  
songs that make you feel powerful and slutty  
GO

 **Arthur**  
britney spears toxic 

**Lucas**  
any hozier song

 **Eliott**  
dubstep

 **Arthur**  
☠️☠️☠️

 **Yann**  
old town road

 **Lucas**  
HUH  
but thats... a song.... about horses....

 **Yann**  
oh so ur gonna horse shame me?  
ur gonna kink shame my music choices to strip dance to?  
mr. i get off to cotton eyed joe

 **Eliott**  
tbh i would gladly do dirty things with my boyfriend to cotton eyed joe

 **Lucas**  
oh yeah?

 **Eliott**  
yeah

 **Lucas**  
like what

 **Eliott**  
like farming

 **Lucas**  
😋😋😩😩🤪🤪🤭

 **Arthur**  
can yall go be nasty somewhere else please

 **Basile**  
i asked daphy if i had any flaws and she said no

 **Arthur**  
bas we all have our flaws

 **Lucas**  
except me

 **Arthur**  
hello???

 **Lucas**  
im pure of heart

 **Yann**  
dumb of ass

 **Lucas**  
and home of sexual  
🤭🤭  
yann i will k word u for interrupting me

 **Basile**  
eliotts the one with no flaws tho

 **Eliott**  
🤗🤗

 **Lucas**  
umm?  
eliott literally wants to domesticate a raccoon  
big red flag

 **Basile**  
i wish he would domesticate me

 **Lucas**  
Im Warning You Now Boy

 **Eliott**  
its just a raccoon tho

 **Lucas**  
eli  
i would kill a spider for u  
but if u under attack by a raccoon then its not my business

 **Eliott**  
Eye--

 **Lucas**  
you pissed him off not me

 **Arthur**  
lmfao  
anyway i say we go to this party  
embrace our inner himbo

 **Yann**  
inner himbo?  
nah son  
im openly himbo

 **Arthur**  
congratulations on your coming out

 **Yann**  
😔😔✋✋

/////

_Eliott &Lucas_

**Eliott**  
hi baby ❤❤  
i miss u 😔😔😔

 **Lucas**  
bruh why you being gay

 **Eliott**  
it was accident

 **Lucas**  
😔😔  
it be ur own closest homies

 **Eliott**  
if u call me homie again i will smite u

 **Lucas**  
is it because im gay

 **Eliott**  
🤦🏻♂️

 **Lucas**  
the homophobia really jumped out huh

 **Eliott**  
🔪🔪🔪

 **Lucas**  
anyway wyd

 **Eliott**  
on my bed

 **Lucas**  
😏😏😏😏

 **Eliott**  
eating pasta

 **Lucas**  
are u sexy  
eating pasta

 **Eliott**  
no

 **Lucas**  
aight

 **Eliott**  
im eating so much  
i have a belly now

 **Lucas**  
awww  
beautiful people actually get self of conchus ?

 **Eliott**  
idk, u tell me, beautiful person

 **Lucas**  
shut up  
😳😳

 **Eliott**  
🤭🤭😊  
anyway my mom wont stop feeding me  
i think im about to burst  
will u still love me when i come back and have a huge belly 😔😔😔

 **Lucas**  
of course!! more eliott to love!!!

 **Eliott**  
i love you  
😳😳

 **Lucas**  
i love u too  
❤  
stop i feel like a Whore

 **Eliott**  
u feel like a Whore  
just by saying ily????

 **Lucas**  
😳😳😳😳✋✋✋

 **Eliott**  
im 10 seconds away from blocking you

 **Lucas**  
then whos gonna tell u ily

 **Eliott**  
ill just ask basile

 **Lucas**  
😡😡😡😡

 **Eliott**  
kidding  
call me 

**Lucas**  
why

 **Eliott**  
so we can talk  
:(  
i want to hear your voice

 **Lucas**  
wow  
Himbo

 **Eliott**  
😔👌😔👌😔👌

 **Lucas**  
ok  
im gonna make dinner then call you

 **Eliott**  
ok  
i love you!!!  
have a great dinner!!

 **Lucas**  
i love you too 🥺🥺🥺  
i wish i could eat u instead

 **Eliott**  
Do Not Ruin My Declaration Of Love 

**Lucas**  
understandable goodnight

/////

 **Lucas**  
hows the family reunion going

 **Eliott**  
bad  
aunt hilda asked my lil sister what MY sexual orientation was  
and she answered "stupid"

 **Lucas**  
well if the shoe fits..

 **Eliott**  
I Am Breaking Up With You

 **Lucas**  
😔😔😔👌👌👌  
why the heck is she asking your sister tho? lmao

 **Eliott**  
idkk  
and now her 9 month old baby wont stop staring at me

 **Lucas**  
😡😡  
that baby better watch where its looking  
or He'll Catch These Hands

 **Eliott**  
thats an INFANT

 **Lucas**  
SO  
i cant be jealous of a baby???

 **Eliott**  
you are a dumbass

 **Lucas**  
i read somewhere babies stare at you if they think youre really beautiful

 **Eliott**  
awwww  
🥺🥺🥺  
i love babies  
i want 7 of them lucas

 **Lucas**  
i only have 3 dollars bro

 **Eliott**  
😔  
eliott the maury has left the chat

 **Lucas**  
👎👎

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im [@hiccupingz](https://hiccupingz.tumblr.com/) on tumblr lets be friends 😔👌
> 
> I hope you liked it!!! Thank you so much for reading!! It means a lot :D


	4. valentines day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at 4am im so sorry it just keeps getting more absurd LMAO. and idk why but whenever i post the emoji gender keeps changing?? i dont know how to fix that lol

_le gang😩😩💦_

__

**Arthur**  
what are you guys planning for valentines day?

 **Yann**  
dunno  
probably getting chloe a card

 **Lucas**  
seriously dude?  
didnt peg u as the boring hetero of the group

 **Yann**  
peg bro?  
👀👀👀👀  
ayyyyyy

 **Lucas**  
👀👀👀👀  
ayyyyyy lmao

 **Arthur**  
🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️

 **Lucas**  
no but cards on valentines are pure cringe

 **Yann**  
lucas  
you made a oui oui tribute on your youtube channel when you were 15

 **Lucas**  
AND?????  
oui oui was my sexual awakening 

**Eliott**  
i thought that was me????  
anyway  
cant disclose my valentine idea on the gc  
arthur DM me

 **Lucas**  
👀👀👀👀👀👀  
cant you give me like, a TINY hint

 **Eliott**  
who said it was for you?  
my gifts for bas 😇😇

 **Lucas**  
Every Day I Find New Reasons to Kill Basile

 **Basile**  
i would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one i never asked to be part of

 **Eliott**  
jk baby its only for u ❤

 **Lucas**  
😡😡😡  
tell me what it is

 **Eliott**  
for the 20th time  
no

 **Lucas**  
🅱️LEASE  
🥺🥺🥺🥺

 **Arthur**  
bro the puppy dog eyes dont work through screen

 **Lucas**  
it'll work if he imagines it 

**Eliott**  
......  
dammit  
okay

 **Lucas**  
:D  
so what is it

 **Eliott**  
hints only  
guess with the emojis  
👁👅👁

 **Arthur**  
KASKJSKASKSKKAKS

 **Lucas**  
HUH

 **Yann**  
what the FUCK is that  
are you being possessed bro??

 **Eliott**  
what? no!

 **Arthur**  
bro...  
hes gonna get possessed and suck his dick off bro

 **Yann**  
smh bro...  
is this some new kink yall discovered??  
yall exorcising orgasms now??

 **Arthur**  
RIP lulu's dick 2k20

 **Eliott**  
:(  
its a vibe check!

 **Yann**  
eye-----

 **Arthur**  
lulu come get ya man

 **Yann**  
well lucas definitely needs those

 **Lucas**  
babe do you even know what that means

 **Eliott**  
yeah!!  
its when i grab your face and kiss you breathless

 **Lucas**  
oh fuck  
okay

 **Basile**  
awww...

 **Yann**  
thats so cute!!!  
i fucking hate romance

 **Lucas**  
eliott i love you  
but that looks NOTHING . like a kiss

 **Basile**  
leave my mans alone hes trying

 **Arthur**  
lmaoo

 **Lucas**  
says the dude who tried to give flowers to eliott last year  
to MY BOYFRIEND  
i aint forget that shit

 **Basile**  
hey!  
i thought it suited his eyes ok

 **Yann**  
bas' sexuality whenever he sees eliott  
➡️↖️➡️↖️↘️↖️↘️↖️⬅️⬇️↖️↘️⬆️↗️➡️↕️↩↖️↪⤵️🔄➡️↕️

 **Eliott**  
i guess having good looks just has its perks

 **Lucas**  
I Wont Hesitate Bitch  
🔫

 **Basile**  
im just being a good homie man

 **Arthur**  
yeah a homiesexual

 **Yann**  
💫💫💫homiesexual vibes only💫💫💫

/////

 **Basile**  
i think im gonna go vegan this month

 **Lucas**  
daphy?

 **Arthur**  
definitely daphy

 **Basile**  
......  
no comments will be given

 **Arthur**  
why though

 **Basile**  
idk she said it looked cool  
i told you this during lunch dude

 **Arthur**  
oh thats what you were talkin about?  
i removed my hearing aids when you started talking about astronautphobia

 **Yann**  
lmao

 **Lucas**  
what do u eat when youre vegan anyway

 **Basile**  
isnt it like, when you only eat leaves or sumn

 **Arthur**  
nah bro i think u avoid eating gluten and stuff

 **Basile**  
whats wrong with gluten

 **Arthur**  
gluten makes your dick fly off bro

 **Basile**  
on god bro?

 **Arthur**  
oh havent you heard? 

**Yann**  
i support food boycott  
hunger is a scam invented by food companies to sell more food

 **Arthur**  
oh wig!

 **Lucas**  
thats right king SPEAK your truth

 **Basile**  
but i dont want my dick to fly off

/////

 **Lucas**  
if i dont see my boyfriend within the next few minutes i WILL kill someone

 **Eliott**  
10 more mins baby

 **Yann**  
which means 1 more hour in eliott time zone

 **Eliott**  
maybe so

 **Lucas**  
HURRy  
im physically losing the will to live  
my organs are depleting

 **Arthur**  
mom lucas is being clingy in the gc again 

**Lucas**  
🖕🖕🖕🖕

 **Yann**  
lulu maybe you should get like,  
an eliott radar

 **Lucas**  
like an eliott gps??

 **Eliott**  
Please Do Not Implant Trackers In My Brain

 **Lucas**  
wouldnt dream of it  
too expensive

 **Arthur**  
eliott-radar  
the demaury compass

 **Basile**  
dont gay ppl have in built radars

 **Arthur**  
you mean like, gaydars?

 **Yann**  
like when you know someones gay?

 **Basile**  
gaydar?  
isnt that what the prostate is for?

 **Eliott**  
hello????

 **Arthur**  
BAS-------

 **Yann**  
i cannot breathe

 **Lucas**  
I Hate Straight People So Much Its Unreal

 **Yann**  
lucas whenever eliott is near: owie my prostate!

 **Lucas**  
OSICSJSIDKAKSK

 **Arthur**  
SCREAM  
lucas when gay guys are around: my prostate senses are tingling

 **Basile**  
i guess being gay just  
has its perks

 **Lucas**  
I am this close 👌👌👌  
to ending you guys for good

 **Yann**  
lucas when the partys just getting started: where dem prostate boyz at

 **Arthur**  
the b o y z r here!!!

 **Yann**  
we dem B O Y Z

 **Arthur**  
B O Y Z R US

 **Lucas**  
shut up!!!! shut the fuck up!!!  
i am not prostate boy!!!

 **Eliott**  
what the hell did i get myself into

/////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for reading this nonsense!! if you smiled even once i appreciate the heck out of it! :D


	5. italian beefcake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thank you for reading! :D

_le gang🥴🥴🖕_

**Arthur**  
alexia got me these cool ass rainbow stickers for my hearing aids for valentines day  
they look fresh as fuck

 **Basile**  
awesome  
daphne got me these coupons for free hugs!

 **Lucas**  
...free hugs  
hugs.. which are usually free..

 **Basile**  
i know  
theyre so cute

 **Lucas**  
and they said you wouldnt last 😍😍

 **Basile**  
hahaha ikr  
wait  
who said that

 **Yann**  
welp  
I got no valentines tonight so im just gonna watch bee movie

 **Arthur**  
beestiality king😍

 **Basile**  
u comin to the valentines party tonight?

 **Yann**  
nope  
instead of Being Forced to watch Everyone be in love today I have Decided to Pass Away

 **Lucas**  
rip you nasty hoe

 **Yann**  
i hate valentines parties  
honestly my ideal valentines would be go to NY  
and see the rats  
live HD

 **Arthur**  
isn't charles in london right now 

**Basile**  
lmfao

 **Lucas**  
and i oop

 **Yann**  
but like the cost  
the fuel consumption  
global warming man  
global warming terrorises me

 **Arthur**  
that is so hot dude  
concerns for climate change is so sexy

 **Lucas**  
noooo don't destroy the planet your so sexy aha 😍😍😍

 **Arthur**  
baby the only thing terrorising me rn is not being with you ahaha 🙈🙈

 **Basile**  
global warming scoop pot toot mama

 **Lucas**  
huh??

 **Arthur**  
he means what are your opinions about global warming bro

 **Lucas**  
oh  
well  
not very good

 **Basile**  
is it weird im kinda excited for global warming? 😍😍  
like everythings gonna fall apart our lives are gonna change hehe 

**Arthur**  
i dont know how to tell you this but that is .  
extremely concerning

 **Lucas**  
personally I would like to see my kids thrive in a healthy environment

 **yann**  
aww dude  
Daddy LuLu 😍😍😍

 **Arthur**  
pls dont say that shit on the gc  
eliott might get horny

 **Eliott**  
in my defense ive gotten hard over a baguette before

 **Arthur**  
bro i dont..  
i dont think thats defending anything bro...

 **Yann**  
Why Am I Literate

 **Lucas**  
i want to smother my children with love

 **Arthur**  
as opposed to.. sfathering them..

 **Lucas**  
shut the fuck up

 **Eliott**  
lmao  
i get to name them tho

 **Lucas**  
oh yeah?

 **Eliott**  
yeah

 **Lucas**  
and on whos authority are you deciding this  
you'd name our baby something weird  
like Italian Beefcake or Julius Caesar or something

 **Eliott**  
what  
id never  
id never call our baby italian beefcake

 **Arthur**  
what would u name your child anyway

 **Eliott**  
amanda

 **Basile**  
awwww!!!

 **Eliott**  
amanda lorian

 **Lucas**  
No.

 **Eliott**  
why do men rob me of my few chances of true joy in life

 **Yann**  
veni vidi vibe check baby

 **Arthur**  
it's gonna be easy for lulu to look after kids  
what with the height and all

 **Lucas**  
fuck you  
you're like 3cm taller than me

 **Arthur**  
thats just your useless opinion, clown

 **Lucas**  
i could literally snap your hand in two bitch

 **Arthur**  
I Could Eat You Like A Meatloaf In A Second

 **Yann**  
It Chapter I (2017)

 **Basile**  
hahaha  
guys  
lucas couldnt even see the joke

 **Lucas**  
what

 **Basile**  
because you're too short  
ahhahahah

 **Lucas**  
are u just farting into your hands and typing the farts in this gc

 **Basile**  
:(

 **Yann**  
go OFF short king!

////

_le crew😏😏🤙_

**Alexia**  
anyone wanna watch harry potter with me tonight

 **Emma**  
sure

 **Manon**  
im in

 **Imane**  
i hate harry potter  
harry potter appropriated niqabi culture with their "dementors"

 **Alexia**  
lmfaooooooo

 **Emma**  
periodt

 **Daphne**  
imane thats so rude to your religion  
do you hate islam or something

 **Alexia**  
daphy 😂  
imane doesnt hate her religion lmao

 **Imane**  
yes im muslim. yes im islamophobic. we exist

 **Daphne**  
🤦🤦🤦

 **Imane**  
if we're watching harry potter i want to listen to music with you guys too

 **Manon**  
we know damn well you're gonna make us listen to Nas again

 **Imane**  
maybe so  
🤭🤭🤭

 **Emma**  
whats wrong with nas  
i love his horse song

 **Imane**  
babe  
no

/////

_Eliott &Lucas_

**Lucas**  
i think aunt hildas baby has alzheimers

 **Eliott**  
???????????????????????  
why are you texting me im right next to you

 **Lucas**  
well  
aunt hilda's here too  
anyway you're sleeping like a log  
pay attention to me 

**Eliott**  
this green tea got me FUCKE D up. i am so crazy rn  
on All Levels except Physical i Am a Raccoon

 **Lucas**  
.....

 **Eliott**  
anyway  
wtf u mean he got alzheimers

 **Lucas**  
i mean  
i played with him all day yesterday  
and now he doesnt even recognize me??  
i want to cry this baby is so mean  
but . my eyeballs , r too powerful

 **Eliott**  
i don't even know what to say to that

 **Lucas**  
like okay ??  
guess the popularity got to his head..  
smh..  
babys are CANCELLED !!

 **Eliott**  
babe  
he doesn't have object permanence

 **Lucas**  
that is so funny  
wait  
are you calling me an object??

 **Eliott**  
no i mean

 **Lucas**  
nice! thanks a Lot scoundrel!

 **Eliott**  
babe

 **Lucas**  
this baby needs to know how powerful i am  
i dont let haters get to me  
infact  
once doctors had to collapse after a 36 hour surgery separating my haters from my dick

 **Eliott**  
please do not make me laugh right now 

**Lucas**  
was being serious but ok

 **Eliott**  
cmon lets go to my room  
i wanna finish watching you

 **Lucas**  
you want to watch ME?

 **Eliott**  
youve made this joke a billion times sweetheart you know I mean the show

 **Lucas**  
still got to see your cute smile though 😉

 **Eliott**  
🥰🥰😘😘

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lovely person wrote to me in the comments what app i can use to make fake chats! thank you lovely person <<3 i couldn't use it right now due to low space and zero brain cells, but once inspiration strikes i will try again!
> 
> and thats it! thank you for reading :)


	6. heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a jinn is basically a demon in arabic if u need to know  
> heres a super short chap i wrote cuz i was bored out of my mind 😁

**Lucas**  
gmorning gays and losers  
shoutout to bas who sent eliott a poem about his sparkly eyes this morning

 **Eliott**  
🥰🥰🥰🥰  
it was very lovely

 **Basile**  
I got u man  
homies stick together

 **Lucas**  
Stop texting my boyfriend love poems basile

 **Basile**  
you mean Our boyfriend

 **Lucas**  
You Will Be In Pain Very Soon

 **Eliott**  
oh quit it Lu  
he's just practising his poetry with me because he wants to write one for daphys birthday

 **Yann**  
bro you want daphy to wish for illiteracy on her bday?

 **Eliott**  
show a little spirit guys  
it's pretty good

 **Basile**  
yea its got like big words in there like "pandemonium"  
or "paragon"

 **Yann**  
u mean dat guy with the dragons??

 **Arthur**  
bas be like  
"need me a smart girl who know big words like Participate 😍😍"

 **Basile**  
😡😡  
u wouldn't make fun of me if you knew I wrote some for you guys too

 **Lucas**  
awww okay.. that's pretty cute..

 **Arthur**  
what did u write for us babe?

 **Basile**  
how we suffer as LGBT people

 **Yann**  
huh????

 **Arthur**  
bas... yann, me and u are straight...

 **Basile**  
the G in LGBT stands for Gamers

 **Yann**  
ion even got shit to say

 **Eliott**  
oh it's pretty good tho  
I like how he identified pac man as "pansexual king"

 **Arthur**  
aight that's enough activism for one day

 **Lucas**  
basile will look at any fictional character and say they're part of the irl lgbt community

 **Basile**  
umm.. for the last time.. Dobby IS lgbt

 **Yann**  
all four of them?

 **Eliott**  
go off king speak your truth

 **Arthur**  
im swatting away this entire gc

 **Basile**  
mad that dobby's lgbt?

 **Lucas**  
this is why I hate men and im gay

 **Eliott**  
oh yeah? you hate all men?

 **Lucas**  
yeah   
except this one man

 **Eliott**  
is that so?😉

 **Lucas**  
mhm  
he's very handsome  
and he treats me right

 **Eliott**  
😳😳😳

 **Lucas**  
hozier my king

 **Eliott**  
😔👌

 **Arthur**  
is this some kind of new foreplay

 **Yann**  
yall just openly nasty on the gc huh?

 **Lucas**  
yann why do you pluck your eyebrows

 **Yann**  
i dont??

 **Lucas**  
well you should

 **Yann**  
...

 **Arthur**  
aklsjkljkldsvsk  
lucas fighting for his rights to be openly horny in the gc circa 2020

/////

**Imane**  
idriss  
mama said get some onions and garlic from the grocery too

 **Idriss**  
Okay  
can u get mom to check the jinn problem please

 **Sofiane**  
jinn problem??

 **Imane**  
idriss thinks theres a jinn in his room  
like anyone wants to know your daily routine? on purpose?

 **Idriss**  
this jinn tryna beef up like me so he can fight me

 **Imane**  
for god sake this is why you don't watch Jinn Stories at 3AM

 **Sofiane**  
the jinn watching idriss doing push ups from the corner of the room  
👁👄👁 I Am Evaluating

 **Idriss**  
hey Imane i'm in the hijab section what size head do u got ?

 **imane**  
Idriss I Will Make Your Existence Very Painful

 **Sofiane**  
lmaooo  
idrii you sound like those muslim bros that write Qur'an as koran

 **Imane**  
go off   
Idriss really text the dumbest things "I'm hungry" then eat? "I'm sick" ok Die ??

 **Idriss**  
me: breathes  
sofimane: FUCK you dude and FUCK your jokes and your bald head and your big brainy muscles bro You Will Never Find Love

 **Sofiane**  
I don't like roasting people all the time  
but when it's with my baby girl..  
🥰🥰🥰

 **Imane**  
call me baby girl again and I will call the police

 **Sofiane**  
understandable goodnight

 **Idriss**  
I shoudve never introduced you two as kids

 **Imane**  
its okay bro you'll find love sooner or later

 **Idriss**  
Costco cheese girl asked if I wanted to try a free sample and smiled . True love is real

 **Sofiane**  
I'm opting for later

 **Idriss**  
aight we get it ur the kind of couple that'll enter heaven together 

**Imane**  
well i Plan to  
😳😳

 **Idriss**  
how u got plans for heaven already??

 **Imane**  
its called cognitive thought process

 **Idriss**  
cognitive Thot process

 **Sofiane**  
well if I get into heaven im gonna wish for a football field the size of america

 **Imane**  
im gonna discover the secrets of the universe  
and ask God why he made me witness topless ingrid

 **Idriss**  
im gonna swim in nutella with my wife 💅💅

 **Imane**  
hm  
i was expecting something sex-related tbh

 **Idriss**  
bro sex is haram  
alhamdulillah ive never done it and neither have my parents🙏🙏😪

 **Sofiane**  
ameen bro

 **Imane**  
education was a mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! this is basically the last time i "write" anything for a while, so thank u for reading!! 😁😁  
> sofiane and eliott have the most himbo energy.... himBro energy..

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it! please let me know what you think!!  
> im sorry for less eliott and i will to do a bit more  
> im poor i dont have apple so i couldnt get social dummy sksmsks


End file.
